Thursday, September 23, 2010

faith & will

{Faith & Will - ewe & lamb in the nursing stalls in May 
and coming back to the farm in two weeks, yeah!}

(*I am reading Julia Cameron's book~ Faith & Will, obviously influencing my post today)

Can you count on your fingers how many times you have felt God's divine intervention this week?

I am certainly not here to say that I am overly blessed, or special or that I am treated  better...No, I am just amazed  today by how much good comes when I take a minute to see it.

I am not sure how it works.  I am not sure I want to try to figure it out.  I just want to *be still and be amazed*   You know that feeling?

* * * * *

I can say honestly that there were long stretches of time when I didn't feel a divine touch/spark/inspiration.  Maybe years?  I know now  it wasn't because God left me out of the loop ~ I just wasn't in the frame of mind to see it ~ too busy, too many unmet expectations, too much "self" in the way.  Have you been here, too?

So demanding!  I couldn't see the good for my huge ugly shadow- always moving, unhappy, big butted... 

Thankfully (in the not so recent past) I gave up.  Yep, I just gave up~

I relaxed my "have to's". So many of my choices were unproductive & un-needed.  I decided that unrealistic expectations are always a losing game (simplistically speaking), and that I was much happier when I wasn't so concerned about my irritable inner-perfectionism (she is mean!). 

And...a brilliant thing happened.

{Pipsqueek- another little favorite, also coming home September 30}

Life's loveliness came into focus. A hyper-aware sense of gratitude flooded my heart. All around me a new motivation was unfolding.  Like a wild science experiment I watched in wonder:

I lost my need to have my needs met by those around me (especially poor husband).  I was free.
I lost my need to be in charge all the time.  I was free.
I lost my closest friend - my hyper-critical-inner-critic.  I was free. 

I had this lasting awareness of good and a heart that felt an abundance of love~ that could flow out.  I could take action on what was good. Realizing that abundant love creates/sustains/attracts/duplicates more abundant love...Brilliant!

Why don't they teach you this when you are twenty?!  Really.

       {another lovely lamb also coming home from summer camp}

Are you wresting with God on your path?  Have you found peace?  Do you wish you had figured it out at twenty, too? 

I am praying for me (and you) in this messy barnyard of life~
With a love that is BIG~
Mucho amor a ustedes, 
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