Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Ready for real

I am just sharing the beginnings of projects for this month.  The creative mania has begun with a million-zillion ideas that I can't seem to stop.  I got out my old art journal last night and wrote out all the projects, plans, classes, prompts, photo-shots and blog ideas until I thought my head might spin (for real). Now I am taking a deep breath and refocusing on what I really want to do. What do I really want to do?
I know I am not alone in this, I have been looking around the blogs and the frenzied creativity is on the move!  How is your creative side?  Have you had your burst of art lately? Well...

( by: Linzie Hunter)

I am a bit hyper-focused on a couple of group/classes this month:  I am  re-taking Library of Memories (alumni '08) and a new "prompt-led" group LOAD 2010, both are scrapbook classes that are just my style...one is focused and practical ~ helping me slow down and feel in control of my creative life and the other is chaos/wildly fast/creative.  Sweet.  

I have also decided to keep blogging.  I was having a huge-ugly (with a scary teeth) writers block and not understanding why...Well, It is usually something you don't want to deal with, and obviously something needing to be said, right?  It came down to core issues many of us deal with: authenticity and transparency.

Being a fledgling writer, the one thing I do know is:  I can only write what is real & honest. Simply that. Being completely authentic and transparent in my life is hard to do. To be very naked about it, I lived an un-real life for a very long time:
  • Unrealistic & unmet expectations of myself, my husband, and everyone else
  • Ideals - that were not ever meant for me
  • Fitting into a cookie-cutter mold of "perfection" that was never meant for me - or anyone
  • Living out a shallow existence with God
  • Working hard to be happy ~ like it was a job to do?
All of these are pretend living. They don't lead to joy, they cause frustration and hopelessness. I didn't even realize my angst until I fell into the pit of it all.
So what happened to me?  I blame it all on God.  When I finally gave up trying to figure it all out, God showed up. My world flipped upside down...and I have never been the same.

He doesn't do pretend.

So, it is a growing experience.  I am trusting this very real God with my fears of sounding crazy, looking stupid, and being fearful of having all my friends think I am a weirdo. I can't care about that anymore.

I just know that living each day in a very real way is right.
And, I don't have what I thought I needed/wanted ~ but I have what is real. Amen.

So ~ if it doesn't look like me, sound like me, feel like me...it isn't me...(and I hit the ~ backspace, backspace, backspace) and start over again.  

Now the truth is out, I am ME ~ and I am going to blog.

& I hope you will, too!
Sending real and creative love to you today!
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